I Grieve
by TwilightofElla
Summary: I thought it would be for forever. I was wrong." BXE Angst. Bella doesn't know the Cullen's secret. Then they get on a plane that slams into the World Trade Center. 8 years later and Bella sees him again Can they rekindle their previous relationship?
1. I Grieve For You

**Okay!!!! 4th story for everyone!!!! sorry it took me a couple of days!!! Thanks for sticking with me!!!!**

**This is a SAD STORY. Grab a tissue cause I cried when I wrote it. This is also a SHORT STORY!!!! I wil NOT do 30 chapters this has a max of 7 chapters**

**K to the Kudos!!! Kudos to CrescentScar for collaborating with me!!! Kudos also to all my STM fans because you are awesome and we have reached the 100 review mark!!! Yes!!!**

**I got this idea out of the blue just came to me and I started to write it. Hopefully you guys like it!!! PLEASE REVIEW CAUSE I LOOOOVVVEEE HEARING FROM YOU GUYS!!!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I manipulate, in this case, I rip their hearts out.**

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**I GRIEVE**

"I thought it would be for forever. I was wrong."

7 months. 7 perfect, spectacular, life changing months. When I came to Forks, my first thought was how I wanted to get out. Now, well, to be honest, I never want to leave. Ever. Not unless he comes with me.

That _he_ is Edward, my Adonis boyfriend. Any girl in the universe would kill to get him, I'm serious, _kill_, he was just that good looking. For me, however, I need someone who is sweet and kind, and funny, and not a complete ass like the rest of the male population. And Edward fit all of these qualities times 100.

His whole family was perfect. He was the biological son of Carlisle and Esme Cullen, along with his brother, Emmett, and his sister Alice. Then when Edward was five, Carlisle's best friends died, and their two children, Rosalie and Jasper, were brought up by them.

Even though I've never asked about it, there's something a little odd about his family. From the first moment I met them, they seemed almost other-worldly, like they had been brought up in a different time. All of their eyes were the same, which I guess is not weird at all for the biological ones, but Rosalie and Jasper too had the same. That wouldn't be odd either except it is such a rare eye color. A Topaz/tawny/butterscotch color. And it changed, not a lot, but enough for me to notice. I have always put it off as the light, but I think part of my self conscious is telling me otherwise.

We don't have a physical relationship, I think it's funny he's so moral, but sometimes it's frustrating. I'm 17, I'm almost out of high school, so I think I should have some liberties and get rid of some of the sexual tension that builds up whenever I get 5 feet away from him. And I've brought this up with him, told him what I wanted, but was shot down the moment the words came out of my mouth.

So currently, I'm lying on his chest thinking that exact thing. And he's stroking my back making it even more frustrating.

"Bella, what are you thinking?" he asks me that a lot. More than a normal person, no one's a mind reader.

"I'm just thinking how utterly lucky I am that I can be perfectly content in this position with you." I feel him shake under me from laughing, and my heart beats wildly in my chest. I turn my head towards him and his eyes are inches from mine. I look down to his lips and I think about how utterly perfect they are, and then a reach my neck out and kiss him softly, and his lips are cold, like the rest of him. But that's because his whole family is anemic and apparently that's what happens when you're anemic. But I don't mind because kissing him right now is what I want to do all day, everyday. Because it lights a fire inside me and I feel so complete and whole, like I've never felt in my entire life.

I feel his arms leave my back and wrap in knots in my hair, and I kiss him more fiercely than before, the fire growing hotter. His breathing is getting more erratic, his back arches, his chest meets mine, his tongue slides out and leaves an ice cold trail as it traces my bottom lip. I let out a gasp and glue my fingers to his hair. The tension is building, and it's getting hard to resist him, but then I feel his arms loosen in my hair and I know he's not going to take it any farther. I sigh and smile at him. He smiles back and rubs circles on my hips.

"That was nice." I say. He chuckles,

"I agree." I sigh again and look out my bedroom window. My dad was on a fishing trip today, otherwise I doubt we would be here on my bed right now. The fall air was coming through the window. It was cool today and I decided to let some stuffy air out of my room. The September breeze ruffles my hair and Edwards hand tightens under me. I turn to him,

"What's wrong?" I ask him

"Nothing, just a spasm." I smile at him and turn back to the window. The leaves are turning colors, and the first signs of fall are beginning to form. I wonder about what school will be like tomorrow, I hope Mike doesn't make a pass at me again.

My eyes open to Edward shaking me slightly. I must have fallen asleep, so I look at the clock. It reads 5:30 and dad gets home at 6. Edward sees me watching the clock.

"That's why I woke you, I think I should go."

"Do you have to?"

"Unless you want to tell your dad I was here and then getting interrogated about it, I think it is a good idea." I grimace at the thought of my dad finding out about our days lazily spent in my room. Then I pout at the thought of not seeing Edward until tomorrow. He sees my pout and cups my chin.

"I love you, more than anything." I smile and peck him on the lips.

"You know, surprisingly, I feel the same."

"Cheeky, Bella."

"Mhmm, I know." He grins and then gets up and holds out his hand for me. I take it and we both walk down the stairs together.

"Bye."

"I'll see you tomorrow; I'll pick you up alright?"

"Fine by me." I say to him. He backs down the driveway backwards before he turns around and wrenches the door open to his Volvo. Then he backs down the drive and disappears down the road.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I had a good day at school today. Except I didn't get my wish from yesterday, Mike _did_ make a pass at me, for the 400 billionth time. When was the boy going to learn, I mean, Edward and I had made us public a long time ago.

Dad's in the den watching the Mariners and I'm in kitchen finishing up some Trig while I wait for the noodles to cook. The doorbell rings and I nearly jump out of my skin to run and get it. Because there can only be one person at the door unless it's a Girl Scout. I wrench the door open and in front of me is Edward. It's raining so; his hair is a little damp. I didn't expect him tonight but, any time with Edward is a good time.

"Edward! What are you doing here?" he looks sad, his expression is a little crestfallen, and my heart instantly tightens.

"My father just got called, and he is being awarded a merit or something or other, they gave him tickets for the family to fly to Boston, so I'm leaving. I would take you but, I didn't think that you would want me to spend the money." And even though my heart is breaking because he's going to be gone for awhile, he is absolutely right. No way was he paying to bring me to Boston with him. And even though I know his family really well, I would feel out of place going.

"You were absolutely right in your assumption," I sigh, "I'm going to miss you so much."

"I know Bella, believe me I know, but it's only for three days, I'll be back before you know it." I grimace at him, 3 days was longer than I wanted. I turn around and peer at my dad through the doorway, apparently he isn't interested in who's at the door anymore because he's sitting in the chair wringing a napkin in his hands with his eyes glued to the screen. I turn back to Edward and motion for him to stand back a little. He obliges and I shut the door quietly behind me. I stare at him, warning him what I'm going to do. He knows right away and meets me half-way, his lips coming down hard on mine. And the feeling that's flowing through me is really sad, more sad the anything else, because I've never been away from him this long. We broke away panting and he rests his head on mine.

"Promise to see you in three days."

"Promise?"

"With all my heart." I give him one last kiss and then he walks towards his car. I lean against the door frame and fold my arms as he drives away. I sigh and stare up at the roof of the porch. I repeat to myself, it's only three days, its only three days.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**(Day 1 of No Edward)**

Lauren was horrific all day. Usually she's not bad because Edward is there so she doesn't ever try to do anything with him around. But since he wasn't here today she decided to let loose in a big way. Angela, my best friend, tried to defend me as best she could, but I ended up eating outside to avoid her.

Edward had called me early this morning and said that their plane was just about to leave the tarmac. We exchanged more goodbyes and then I left for school. He had left a voice mail on the cell phone Charlie had graciously given me for Christmas last year, that said they arrived safely and that he missed me. Which, when I read it right after I left Lauren's evil stare made me start to cry.

I finally pull into my driveway and call Edward upstairs in my room.

"Bella."

"Hi, how is Boston?"

"Honestly, no fun without you. We've been here before too so there is nothing to exciting about a bland hotel room." I giggle at his remark.

"How was school?" his question instantly shuts me up.

"Fine." I lie and he can hear it.

"Bella." He says reproachingly.

"Well, other than Lauren Mallory making my life a living hell nothing out of the ordinary." I hear him sigh into the phone and I can imagine him pinching his nose on the other line.

"Do, you want me to come home?"

"NO! Edward, I am perfectly capable of surviving _Lauren_ on my own. I don't want you spending an enormous amount of money just to back to check if I'm alright when there's nothing wrong with me."

"Bella, you know money doesn't matter to us."

"Yes, but it does to _me_."

"Ugh, you're so stubborn sometimes."

"Which will not change anytime soon." I say pointedly into the phone. His parents both had very good paying jobs and Edward always wanted to spend things on me but, I always put my foot down because I hate it when people spend money on me.

"What was she saying?"

"We don't need to get into details."

"That bad?"

"Please, Edward just drop it."

"Alright. Well I need to go, I'll call you later tonight."

"I love you."

"I love you to Bella." I can hear the smile in his voice. The phone clicks off and I sit in my room for a few minutes, reveling in the silence. Then I hear Dad's car in the drive and I go downstairs to make dinner.

**(Day 2 of No Edward)**

I started flipping out today because my birthday was in four days. I had told the Cullen's no gifts, but with Alice at the helm of the festivities, there were sure to be some. And I started freaking out at what Edward might try to get me. I am not a person who wants or needs much and he had been hinting the past week about how decrepit my computer was. Even Angela seemed to hint getting me something today at lunch. Was everyone out to get me? Is that how the world works now?

I made dinner already and I decided to go upstairs awhile ago, so now I'm sitting in the dark listening to music while I'm waiting for my cell to ring. As if right on cue my phone starts buzzing in my hand and I quickly pull the head phones out and answer the phone.

"Hello?"

"Bella! Are you counting down the days until your 18?"

"Alice? I wasn't expecting you."

"Oh, I know, but if I had called you on my phone, you would have never answered it." This was true.

"Well, to answer you question, I'm actually dreading that."

"Why!?" she sounded shocked, didn't she know I hated my birthday.

"Because I know what you're going to do, Alice, and I don't like presents, or parties, or people fussing over me."

"Bella, I'm hurt!" I know she's faking it, I can hear the smile in her light, pixie voice.

"Can it, Alice. I want to talk to Edward."

"Wow, you're almost as impatient as Edward." I giggle into the phone at the thought of Edward being impatient to talk to me to.

"How was your day, love."

"Well…"

**(Edward's Coming Home Today!!!)**

Today was good for two reasons. Reason #1 After two very long, unbearable days, Edward and the Cullen's were finally coming home. They were leaving at 7:00 am and would be getting into the Seattle airport at 1:30 pm and driving the rest of the way back to Forks. Reason #2 was because we have a scheduled 2 hour delay for school which means I get to sleep in.

I feel his lips on mine in our reunion, his family standing a little way off, smiling at us. I see his topaz eyes that I've missed so much, I see his lips curve into that sexy, crooked smile I love, and I feel like I've died and gone to heaven. This is the only birthday present I need. _Buzz…Buzz…Buzzz…Buzzzz… _I jolt awake at the sound of my phone on my dresser. I practically trip over myself trying to get to it.

"Hello?" I say breathlessly.

"Bella, I'm sorry to wake you but, we are just getting out of security and we will be there in a while. I'll see you soon. Our flight number is 11, American Airlines"

"Mmmm, good, I can't wait. Love you, Edward."

"Love you Bella." I hang up the phone and gaze at it for a little while longer. _A_ _few more hours Bella, just a few more hours_, I think to myself. Since I'm already up I feel my stomach grumble and I walk down the stairs to eat a piece of toast. Dad's car is gone, so he already left for the station.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

It's 8:40 and I'm getting dressed when I gear the home phone ring shrilly. I run down the stairs to get it.

"Hello?"

"Bella? You alright?" my dad sounds panicky, and really scared. I've never heard him this way before.

"Yeah, Dad, calm down." I assure him

"No! you have to turn on the television, right now. Any new station, just turn it on!"

"Ok, Ok!" I go over to the T.V. and turn it on. It's already on the news and a woman's looking frantically at the camera.

"4 minutes ago a plane hit one of the World Trade Centers, it was a commercial jet, no word yet on the flight number though we do know it was American Airlines." My stomach clenches painfully. The World Trade Towers? Think about all those people, oh my God. I can see behind her, the image of the Tower with thick black smoke billowing up above it. Then, from the right side, I see the outlines of another plane, and like in slow motion, it comes hurtling towards the next tower. And I see a mushroom cloud billow up when it hit, and my hand flies to my mouth.

"It's hit the other tower!" the woman is screaming into the camera. I can hear people in the background yelling and crying, People are running back and forth behind her, I think they are trying to confirm information.

"We have the flight numbers. Flight numbers 175 and 11 have hit the towers."

11, when she said that number, my entire body ripped in half. I am no more, I am nothing. It doesn't comprehend in my mind anymore. 11,11,11,11,11, nothing more, blank. He said 11 on the phone, he said 11. No,no,no,no,no,no,no,no. NO!

I'm crying, the room is spinning, I'm in a black heartless cloud, I can't see anymore. I am nothing. The phone rings, but from far away. I am falling. Edward's face is there, and then fire, everywhere. All around me, and Edward vanishes. Then my head slams on my living room floor. I scream.

"EDWARD!!!! EDWARD!!!! NOOO, PLEASE GOD NO!!!!! PLEASSSE!" My words turn into sobs. My mind revolves around every face. Alice, Esme, Rosalie, Carlisle, Emmett, Jasper. They are all gone. They all got on that plane. But Edward, my life, my love. I was never going to see him again, the thought can't get through my head. He has to be alive, he has to be.

The door opens I hear boots run across the floor, but I can't feel them, I can't feel anything.

"BELLA! Bella, honey what's wrong?" his voice sounds so worried, I don't' care anymore, I can't.

My voice comes out in hysterical sobs.

"The…Cullen's…were…on…Flight…11." I choke out.

"Oh my God." I can hear how stunned he is. "Oh Bella, oh…"

"NOOOOOOO!!!" he was making it real! It was just a bad dream! It can't be real!

"Dave! Call an ambulance! Bella, needs to go to the hospital!" Charlie's yelling into his phone, someone asks him a question, he hurries out an answer "The Cullen's were all on the Trade Tower planes." I sob harder than I ever have before.

A couple minutes pass and I hear the siren of an ambulance. Three men come into our house. They take me away with Charlie, to the hospital. I'm not sobbing now, but I can't see everything I hear is fuzzy. Charlie is calling to me but I can't see him.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"She's going into shock. Get some fluids in her, set up a monitor…" I hear voices I don't recognize.

"Bella!"

"Sir, please wait outside, we'll let you see her as soon as you can." I hear Charlie and the stranger, I think I'm in the hospital.

"Bella? Bella can you hear me? My name is Doctor Stevens. If you can hear me raise your hand." I try, but I cant. My hand doesn't want to work. So, I twitch my finger.

"Good, Bella. You've got to stay with us now. Can you stay with me?" I try to say yes but, I can't, so I twitch my finger again.

"Good, alright."

I wake up and my eyes are filled with a harsh light. I can't see for a few minutes. There is something in my arm, and I want it out. I reach over but a hand pulls it back. I look at the hand and then the owner. Charlie sat next to me, smiling sadly.

"Hey Bells."

"Hey dad." My voice is so horse, and it hurts.

"You feelin' okay." He asks me. I nod.

"I'm gonna go get something for you to eat, hold on okay?" I nod again. He gets up and shuts the door quietly.

I'm left alone. Really alone. Edward will never ever come back. It was just 1 hour ago, well maybe more now, when everything was fine. I talked to him, I said I loved him. That was the last thing I ever said to the love of my life. I guess that was a good thing. I start to cry again. He was dead, his whole family. _My_ whole family.

Because they were, Emmett's bear hugs. Jasper's calm figure standing by the door. Alice's bouncy light footsteps. Carlisle's warm welcome smile. Rosalie's, greasy, mechanic jeans, Esme's gentle nature. And it was totally and forever gone from me. 6 gaping holes in my heart, it couldn't take it. Then Edward, he was everything. Was. I cry even harder. His abs, his eyes, his crooked smile, his everything. Was so gone, so far away. His face is fading and I try to grasp it, but he slips out of my hold. He falls into a black abyss. The hole rips wide open, it's my whole chest, my whole body, it's all gone. I am now a shell, a skeleton of my former happy self.

I remember my birthday, how they were so excited to celebrate it. How I was now alone except for Charlie.

I roll over and cry on the pillow. I hear a knock on the door. I turn slightly and see Charlie pop his head in.

"Bells, Jake's here to see you." Jake? I don't remember a Jake? Then an image of a russet color, tall, gangly, teenager pops in my head and all the memories of Jake and I filled my head. He was my very best friend. Of course I knew who Jake was.

Jake walks in my room and the door shuts behind him.

"Aw, Bella." His face has tear streaks.

"Jake! Jake he's gone. He's gone!" he walks over and lies on the bed with me. He lets me cry into his shoulder. He strokes my hair, my back, he wipes the tears from my face.

"You'll get through Bells."

"How?" I sob some more.

"I don't know how. But we'll get threw it together."

"Together?" I ask him quietly. He starts to sob.

"My mom, was in Boston for her book…signing. She was on 11 too." He's crying silent tears. Now its my turn to comfort. 8 people I loved were lost. Sarah was now added to the list. Poor Jacob and Billy and Rebecca and Rachel! Everything is falling apart!

"Oh my God Jake!" Fresh tears are falling from my eyes for Sarah. She was like my surrogate mother along with Esme. How could this happen.

"We'll get through this ," he tries to comfort himself and me "We'll get through this."

I thought it would be for forever. I was wrong.

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_WHEWW you survived 9 pages!!! Congrats!!!! Please Review!! Feedback!!! I want to know if you guys think I should keep going with this 1st person, present-tense view. I didn't know at first so I'm sketchy!!!! THankyou guys sooo much, tell me if you cried!!! if not, well, maybe the next chapters!!!!! haha_

_Lots of Twilight Love,_

Ella


	2. We Are All To Young To Die

**_Hello all!!!! so i have decided not to continue in super 1st person haha it is just to hard to write. Just think of it as when Bella matures, her writing matures. Its very late and I would like some sleep. I believe I will update tomorrow because I want to haha. good luck and happy reading!_**

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**8 years later**

_The wind whipped my hair around my sallow face. The lone rain drop fell on my forehead. And as they lowered that final coffin, Edward's coffin, into the earth, my heart gave its last beat and then stilled. It was the most horrible form of irony that a month ago the Cullen's were having a silent joke as Carlisle told them he had purchased their final resting places in the Forks Cemetery. Now here all seven of their graves sat. It had been three months since the trade towers fell and they had never recovered any of the Cullen's remains. I really wasn't surprised, how can you when you're incinerated in a fire ball of airline fuel. They were in a row, lined with pretty flowers and new shiny head stones. The vicar said is last prayer and everyone dispersed. The rain fell more quickly now but, I felt oblivious to it. Jake's mom's funeral was yesterday and now I was glad they were finally over. Today had been worse, the whole town came to the Cullen's funeral and I was sick of hearing fake sobs from people who didn't know them, and so many "comforting" gestures. Our house was stock piled for the next three years with food, mostly casseroles. But food wasn't going to bring the Cullen's back to me. Nothing was. I looked out at the row of graves, the rain stinging my cheek as it fell down on the worst day of my life. Jake came over and grabbed my shoulder._

_"You alright Bells?"_

_"No, of course I'm not. But, I really don't know how to deal with this so come back in a few years and I'll tell you." I said a bit too sarcastically. Jake just gently smiled at me_

_"I really know how you feel, and I wish I didn't but, I can't change it anymore and I've accepted that. Bells, I think you should too. You've been terrible over these past couple of months. You don't eat or anything. When are you going to accept that they won't come back?"_

_"Jake," I choked. "I don't honestly think I ever will. Can I-Can I just be alone for a bit?"_

_"Yeah sure, I'll tell your dad not to wait up." I turned back to the empty graves, to my lost family. The rain picked up even more and as it did the weight on my shoulders pushed down even more and the overwhelming day I had had slammed more pressure down until my first tear since that first day slid down my cheek, warmer than the rain. It was the bittersweet reminder of what I was going through and my façade couldn't keep up with my emotions and I cried. Really cried, the hard sobs racking my broken frame as I yelled up at the sky._

_"What did I ever do to you!?! Why all of them? Why him? Why me? Will somebody help me? Anybody?" I screamed up at the luminous clouds. What retched thing had I done in my life to deserve the pain and torture I was feeling? My knees felt weak with exhaustion, and I sunk down on the ground not caring that I was soaking wet and I was getting my dress dirty. All I did was cry and cry and cry. Why me?_

I jolted awake from the memory, incoherent and alone and afraid. I didn't know where I was.

"EDWARD!!!" I screamed out. There was a large crash in the other room and large footsteps running towards my room. A great, huge shape filled my doorway and someone ran towards my bed and held me tight as I thrashed in their grip.

"BELLA! Bella, it's me, it's Jake. Come on calm down, it's okay. It's okay." He soothed. The present rushed back to me. We were in the apartment Jake and I shared. The little loft above the art gallery where I worked. Jake was a crab fisherman out on the Chesapeake Bay. His boat, Whistler's Lover, had three other crew members. Paul, Embry, and Quil were our best friends. After we graduated high school Jake and I knew we had too many bad memories in the west and we both decided to run and get away as far as the continent would allow. Which landed us at the University of Maryland. I studied art and art history while Jake studied Biology. Our freshman and sophomore years were tough. We had become inseparable after the attacks and we couldn't stay at each others rooms. My roommate was a horrid selfish girl named Yvonne from New Jersey who had the most annoying voice in the world. Jake lived with a guy named Drake who all through sophomore year developed a huge infatuation with me. When I told him no, he went for Yvonne. They got married our junior year of college. Both dropped out and are now settling for a divorce after four years of marriage. Ironic isn't it.

After sophomore year Jake and I lived in a ghastly apartment 12 blocks from campus. We survived and after graduating college wondered what we were going to do. Jake had met friends on campus and we had gone on a weekend trip to Annapolis, Maryland. I absolutely fell in love with the place. We bought an apartment right on main street with the last money we had and I found a job downstairs. My employer was an elderly man by the name of Mr. Farnsworth. He was a bit grumpy but he meaned well and the local artwork was bought quickly by the tourists that came in. Jake had decided to postpone finding a job in Biology until he was sure he knew what he wanted to do. Paul had bought an old fishing boat from someone and we had spent three fun weeks fixing it up for the guys. I named it Whistler's Lover. Whistler's mother was my favorite painting and I always wanted to see it in the Musee D'orsay in Paris. I gave it the name Lover because I thought it was more suitable, I played with the idea that Whistler, whoever he was, was married to the sea.

I had calmed down long enough to see the tension on Jake's face as he held me. I caused him too much stress. I traced the circles under his eyes softly.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. You look so tired Jake." I strained to get out. It was hard knowing it was my fault.

"Bella, do not be sorry. You can't control what you dream. It will be fine. Don't worry. I'll catch up on my sleep on the boat today." He kissed my forehead, lingering a little. Senior year Jake and I tried being a couple. We really only socialized with each other so why not. What happened was entirely my fault. Whenever we tried to be…intimate…I just thought of Edward and what I couldn't have. And I would cry because of it. And then I would cry even more because I was hurting Jake. So, I gave up. Like with every other aspect of my life.

I could see the sun start to rise through the blinds and I could hear the sea gulls as the markets started to open. I looked over at the clock. 6:22 a.m. I looked back over at Jake apologetically.

"Hey I have to get up in 8 minutes anyway; you're like my personal "damsel in distress" alarm clock. You know I don' mind waking up this way you know. "He grinned mischievously. I punched him in the arm; I never let on but, those statements only reminded me of Edward and what I could still have. Unfortunately I couldn't. Jumped out of my bed and went to his bedroom next door to throw on some work clothes, which consisted of holey jeans and a sweat shirt. I was September 10th. 3 days till I turned 26 and tomorrow was the nine year anniversary of that day. I shuddered at tomorrow. I had asked Mr. Farnsworth if I could have the day off and he agreed, saying it would be slow that day. If only he knew how slowly it would be for me. I got up ready to face the day. My dream had efficiently woke me up and I really didn't want to relive it again today. I had to be at work at nine so I went to the little kitchen to make breakfast. Eggs and bacon. The usual. After that I grabbed my sweatshirt and headed down to the street.

The thing I like most about Annapolis is that old charm. The buildings were colonial, the roads through Main Street were cobblestone and they led up to the courthouse. The shops lining the street had so much class. Every one was different. There were ice cream stores and glass shops and hat stores and antiques. I took my favorite back road walk as I listened to the early morning bustle. It was down a quiet little street where all the houses were so beautifully well kept. My favorite, on the end of the street was magnificent and huge; I always wished I had enough to buy it. But the owners had moved and when the for sale sign went up I just laughed to myself. I was coming up on that huge brick house when I saw a SOLD in bold letters stamped across the side. I deflated, could today get any better? I quickly jogged past that reminder of my broken life.

The store was busy today; the last tourists of the season were quickly buying the cheaper deals on the smaller artworks. I had a lot upstairs, like my own mini gallery. My favorites were of the cows, they could always cheer me up in the store so I bought one for my room. Jake came home early that night and we decided to go out to Castlebay Irish Pub. Paul came to and we all got a little drunk. I was glad for it when tomorrow came around. When we got home Jake threw his shirt on the ground and came up to me.

"Bells, do you promise you won't go into hysterics tomorrow. You're not allowed to watch the T.V tomorrow ok. You know how the memorial service with you went last year." I did remember that, we won't go into it.

"I'll try. Really I will." He smiled and quickly kissed my cheek before shutting his bedroom door. I quickly crawled into bed dreading tomorrow.

Tomorrow came full force in the morning. It had officially been 8 years since I last saw all of them. I realized I couldn't really remember anyone that clearly except for Edward. But even then, he was slowly drifting, only coming really clear in my dreams. I got up and there was a note on my pillow. TRY, it read. I looked sadly at it because I knew I wouldn't. I felt masochistic. I wanted to wallow in sorrow and eat myself alive for everything that happened. It really was my fault for wanting him home that soon. For not accepting the gifts he always tried to give me because then I would be spending eternity with him. But now I didn't even want to know if there was one. I had slowly quit believing. I took my walk again, this time there were moving trucks in that house, but I didn't stay to watch I went right on going. When I got back I fought the urge to turn on the television. I knew it was on right now. The farmers market was out today and I decided instead to try to follow jakes advice and try to keep my mind off it. I walked slowly down the few blocks to wear everyone was crowded around the little stands buying honey and fruits and vegetables. I walked around the tables searching for something interesting when I caught a little jewelry stand. It was titled A & R C Native Jewelry. When I looked closer it was made out of the shells I always found around here. They really were pretty. And pretty cheap too. I found a ring made out of clam shell with a little island painted on it that kind of embodied my solidarity. I instantly connected to it. I pulled out my little wallet and handed the girl the money.

"You make these? They really are very nice." I complimented.

"I know aren't they? But, no I don't make them. They sort of hired me to do this. I'm getting paid pretty well they I just preoccupied at the moment." I nodded my head and said goodbye.

I stuck the little ring on my finger and admired it for a little bit. It fit the way I felt today, bitter and alone, but strangely calm about it all. I think I was starting to accept the fact finally that they were never coming back. I looked up as someone laughed really loud and my eyes went directly to a mop of bronze hair bending down near the breads. That bronze hair that reminded me so much of Edward. It was so messy just like his to. Then an arm came up and tousled it. That arm had the Cullen Crest that was engraved on all of their tombstones. I tripped over someone shocked. I was really becoming delusional because I was seeing things that weren't real. I looked down and tried to shake the tears trying to well up in my eyes. I couldn't lose it in front of all these people. I looked back at that guy who looked so much like Edward when he moved up triumphant. A lavender bag in his hands. That lavender bag was nothing compared to what I was seeing. That chiseled jaw, that straight perfect nose, those eyes. Those wonderful tawny eyes. The body covered in a tight fitting tee that said PRINCETON in bold letters on the front. I gaped because standing not 50 feet away from me was Edward Cullen. Who was supposed to be dead, in the ground. No, no, no, no. The tears were spilling full now. I must be going crazy; I would have to live in the loony hospital. Because it couldn't be possible for him to survive. A gust of salty air blew my hair in my eyes, someone saw me crying and asked if I was alright and as I watched Edward stiffened and whipped his head up. His lips parted, his mouth moved and shaped one word. Bella. Now I knew it wasn't a dream. My bag of apples dropped on the ground and I turned my heel and fled. Fled everything that wasn't real, that couldn't be happening. Not after I just told myself I was accepting it. He was here. Alive. I ran past the square, the crab house, and the store fronts until I reached a secluded spot in an alleyway near the bank. I trembled and tears ran down my face in a torrent. How could that possibly happen? Did he hate me so much he couldn't get on that plane? He faked his own death, his family's death to not be near me anymore. That was the only explanation. How were they here?


	3. My Boy Builds Coffins

_**o**__**k so this is sort of a filler chapter of what they are feeling. The main chapter will be up tomorrow I promise. I really love how this story is going. Please review I love to hear from you!!!!!!!**_

**_Disclaimer: I dont own Twilight._**

**_Music: Mr. Darcy's Letter- Pride and Prejudice soundtrack_**

**_Love you all!!!!!_**

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_I tried to find her, the woman I loved, the woman who was the soul of my existence. She had changed so much and yet I knew it was her the moment I smelled her. That strong, unbearably delicious, Freesia. She was crying when I saw her, I was so shocked I didn't know what to do. The amount of longing that welled up inside me when I called her name was incredible. And she saw that word pass my lips, and she bolted. I tried to run after her but, there were so many people in my way and I didn't want to cause a scene. Being a vampire had its draws. The moment I looked up again she had gone from sight. I didn't know she was here, and I didn't know how long she had been here. She could be so far away from me right now when I just got her back. No. No, she wasn't mine anymore, I had wished she was mine again for the past 8 years and then she came back into my existence so unexpectedly, how could I not wish it. She was so perfect for me in every way. I followed that strong freesia through a labyrinth of old streets. Some stronger than others. She had been here long, her scent crisscrossed across town. I rushed past our own new house, a brick colonial, the biggest in Annapolis and realized she walked past here often right in front of my nose. I started panicking. I had not smelled her in so long her scent confused me. I felt that it was everywhere, consuming me. It was getting harder to decipher between the old and the new. This shouldn't be happening. We had known she could never see us again, our abilities kept us alive but no one from our past life could have known. Alice and Rosalie had snuck back and taken away our most favorite possessions. Alice could see that Bella would break apart, become a shell of her former happy self. Whenever Alice had another vision it always showed Bella with a façade. She looked happy, but I saw her eyes, and her eyes told it all. She secluded herself, she didn't have a social life anymore. She wasn't a hermit, but she wouldn't go anywhere. Alice had many visions of her, some harder to cope with than others. Many of them was of her waking up screaming my name, or her crying in the bathroom. About four years ago Alice had an unexpected vision where Bella and her roommate Jacob were on the bed. Jacob slowly moved forward and kissed her. I had broken the coffee table when I saw that. He slowly started removing their clothes, and I snapped. Jasper and Emmett had had to hold me back from running out the door to wherever they were. But then Bella had jumped backed and hit him hard. I settled down and chuckled, that was my Bella. Those visions hurt me so terribly. I could only sit back and watch as she grew older, as she moved on in her life. I, on the other hand, sat back and couldn't join her. I couldn't hear her laugh or feel her penetrating gaze. I could only watch, which was awful. It felt bitter sweet that now I did not need to sit on the sidelines anymore but, she had hated me and ran off. I felt so pathetic now because I couldn't find her. What a vampire I was. If she only knew. _

I had slowly made my way back to the apartment. I couldn't even think straight. How could he do this to the whole town? Everyone who knew the family. How could Carlisle and Esme allow that? They faked there own death! Who does that? I had always thought that they were so kind and down to earth. They had said Forks was there home. Edward had said I was his home and he faked his death. I just couldn't understand. I sat and cried for ages on the couch. My head would not wrap around it. Jake found me a few hours later. He quickly ran to me and cradled me in his arms. It didn't feel good. I felt tainted. I couldn't tell him, he would think I was hallucinating.

"Bella didn't I tell you not to watch the T.V.?" He thought I watched the memorial. That was the least thing on my mind but I decided to lie, to protect him.

"Jake I'm sorry, I tired not to." I cried.

"Bella, I don't blame you, it's alright." He was always so sweet.

Jake was always there for me. He always had been, through everything horrid in my life I could always turn to him. I could always tell his feelings for me. Ever since that night we had "tried" to be intimate, but it had gone horribly wrong because I freaked out because it wasn't Edward and punched his face. I had thought if Edward was alive he would surely laugh at me but, he wasn't. Or so I thought. I had always put Jake through so much but he still stayed. And I found that I had feelings for him, I really did, I just didn't know how to show him. So now I had a choice. Edward or Jacob. The man who lied to me, who pulled off the biggest scam ever but was my one true love. Or, the man who loved me through it all. What was I going to do?


	4. You Left Me In The Dark

**Thank you for your patience. This is a really long time coming but I have it all written out now so we are getting to the end. Thank for the support!**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I control the characters in this scenario**

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Sleep eluded me that night. Thoughts of the Cullens came screaming back into my mind, no matter how much resistance I put up to stop them. I cried. Oh, how I cried. And I really didn't know who I was crying for. Maybe for myself, for the loss of the last 9 years of my life, for all the heartache that I felt for my unthinkable loss. Maybe for Jake, who had to pick up all of my pieces and had tried so hard for almost a decade to stitch me back together, and had to watch me wither away just a little more every year. Anger started bubbling up from deep inside me and I turned my head and screamed into my pillow. I slammed my fist down on to the bed; over and over and over again. Images of my life whipped past, all my hurt for them came back and it made me _angry._ They had left us. All of us. They left _me, _in the sickest, most deplorable way possible. They had hated me so much that they felt the need to deceive the whole town, everyone they loved, to leave me. And that's when the realization hit me. They didn't _want_ me.

I thought to all those blissful months together with Edward, all of those nights I spent with his family really feeling like I was a part of something, and realized they were all a lie. I had become a bore to them. I was not loved like I had thought I had been. I was an outcast, thrown away for someone new probably. And that just hurt. My heart burst, bled and died. My head was spinning, I was completely dazed with pain as all the hurt and dread and sorrow I had repressed all those years came back in a fiery vengeance and I gulped, a huge gasping noise and burst into giant sobbing tears. I had never cried like that before, it was like my bleeding heart was trying to relieve its torment through my sobs.

After hours and hours, finally, I drifted into some semblance of sleep. It was short lived however when I jolted awake again two hours later, the sky a rosy blue as dawn peaked out over the horizon. I knew that I would never go back to sleep so I moved towards the bathroom. I felt lethargic, like the life had been sucked out of me. I hung on the doorframe as I flicked on the light and stumbled to the mirror. I looked wretched. My hair was a tangled mess of Medusa's curls, my face puffy and swollen from my crying last night. My mascara I hadn't bothered to take off was now smudged and snaking down my face. I turned away, not bearing to look at myself anymore.

I methodically went through my shower routine, not caring that the water was scalding my skin red. I scrubbed my skin so hard I thought it would be raw. I tried to scrub away the pain that plagued me, my bleeding, broken heart consumed me, and it was almost too much. I needed time alone, time away from this apartment with a sleeping Jake across the hall. I needed to be free from the claustrophobia that was eating away at me. I threw on some black yoga pants and a sweatshirt and ran; ran away from my life, if only for a little while. I followed my usual path; it was dark, but with dawn breaking I could just see the sidewalks. I ran faster than I ever had before; my lungs were burning with effort but I didn't care, I wanted nothing more than to get away from my troubles. I ran through all the back roads, all of those cobblestone streets, with their pretty houses next to them and all the families nestled in. That was something I never would have again; something I never had. My favorite house loomed in front of me and I slowed to a stop and stared at it.

All of the lights were on and it glowed, beckoning me for some reason. Suddenly a curtain moved in the fourth story window, a shadow appeared and just as suddenly disappeared. I shook my head making sure I hadn't been hallucinating. A sudden crash boomed through the air, like the sound of floorboards cracking or someone throwing a table. A second crash sounded and I gasped as the black painted door I had just been staring at shuddered and cracked, right down the middle. A feral snarl ripped through the air and my heart started beating frantically. No sense sticking around when someone had what sounded like a lion rampaging through their house. I started my run again, winding through the streets at a frantic pace until finally I could go no farther and I slumped down onto the sidewalk, exhaustion taking over my entire body. I checked my watch; Jake would be getting up soon. Reluctantly I headed back to my home; my legs dragged on the ground as I fought to stay upright. I took another scalding shower when I got back; Jake looked at me curiously as I headed back to my room to change.

"Bella what's up with you? You look…off." He gazed worriedly into my eyes.

I looked down, away from his penetrating gaze, not wanting him to figure out the truth, that I had finally broken apart. My acting class I took in college for fun came into play as I put on a fake smile and turned to him again. "Nothing. No I just still can't believe it's been nine year's you know. Plus I can't believe I'm going to be 26 tomorrow either. That just might get me depressed." That had not been entirely a lie, 26 really blew my mind.

"Bella you are not _old._ For God's sake don't tell me that. I'm gonna be 26 in 5 months anyway. Besides, you're beautiful, extraordinary, amazing. Do I need to go on?" He smirked gleefully at me. I smacked his arm playfully and smiled, but it didn't reach my eyes. I was thrilled Jake finally got his life back. This is why I could never let him know the truth; why I would always be a shell.

"Look you need to get to work, I need to go to work, let's not dwell on how old we are getting. Besides Bella, you should be excited. I get to take you to a ball for your birthday."

"Jake it's a gala, not a _ball_. I'm definitely not Cinderella."

"To me you are." He said. I thought he was just kidding but he stared at me a little longer than what would be considered normal and the tension built in the room. I broke it though.

"You got your suit from the cleaners' yesterday right? Remember I left you a note on the boat." I probed, trying to steer the subject away from how I was _not_ Cinderella.

He flinched and gave me a sheepish look "Uh, I may or may not have forgot. Do you think you might be able to for me?" I glared at him.

"Ugh, fine Jake. I'm not happy about it though." I pushed past him, fake sighing as I went.

He knew I wasn't mad at him because he slapped my butt as I went. I whipped around and yelped slightly, watching him smirk devilishly at me. I retaliated by jumping at him. It didn't work well for me; Jake grabbed me and swung me around and raced down the hall to our small living space to dump me on the rug. He laughed triumphantly over me but I wasn't having it. I grabbed his leg and pulled when he wasn't looking, catching him by surprise and sent him tumbling on top of me. I truly laughed for the first time in about a week. He was laughing too and we couldn't stop for a good while before we just sort of broke off into chuckles just staring at each other. Jake's eyes flicked down to my mouth and then back to my eyes. He leaned his head farther and captured my lips to his. It was warm, amazing, and I relished it. I continued the kiss, growing to a feverish pace until suddenly I realized what I was doing. I put my hands on his chest and gently pushed.

"Jake you know we can't. You know _I_ can't." I whispered.

"Yes," he breathed "Yes we can. We can Bella." He took my face and his gaze was so intense that I had to look away. I scrambled from under him and he let me as I pressed my back against the couch and hugged my legs.

"No, Jake, I'm not ready yet. I know it's stupid but I really can't." I banged my head on my knees, not wanting to see his expression.

"Bella, I'm sorry. You shouldn't be made to do something you don't want. It's my fault; let's just forget that it happened ok?" I peeked up at him. He wore a small smile and I could let it go. But the question was, could he? I didn't want to think about the answer to that. I got up and got ready for work, Jake and I skirting each other awkwardly through the apartment. Great, things were now weird with my best friend. I threw on my skinny jeans and leather boots with my poncho. I put on some mascara and quickly ran down the stairs to the gallery. Jake walked quickly by, not really looking at me. I wanted to kick something. Mr. Farnsworth watched me as I angrily moved through the gallery, my hands running through my hair more frequently than usual.

"Swan, what bugs up your butt?" I snorted slightly. Farnsworth doesn't beat around the bush.

"Jake problems sir. Being a roommate, it takes its toll sometimes you know." I skirted around the whole, my best friend kissed me and I can't be that for him and now its awkward, thing.

"You want me to evict him for you?" He sounded completely serious. I flashed him a smile and a quick laugh.

"No Mr. Farnsworth, He'll get over it." _I hope_, I thought to myself. He grunted a reply and left me to sort through the new shipments.

During my lunch break I went to the cleaners and got Jake's suit. The man at the counter looked at the tag and gave me a smile.

"The Art's Gala right?" I nodded as he handed me the tux.

The Art's Gala was the biggest night in Annapolis. Farnsworth usually went but he gave me his tickets this year because he "didn't want to be shoved up against those stuck up old toads." The old toads in question were the richest families in Maryland ready to pour their charitable donations into all the artists and gallery's pockets. As I worked in an art gallery and a bonus from crotchety old Farnsworth would be a great Christmas present I really was looking forward to showing the gallery off. I was walking down the street when my phone buzzed in my pocket. I quick flipped it open and read

_Sorry about today. I was stupid. See you tonight, happy early birthday!_

_Jake_

I smiled at the message. Maybe things would be normal when I got back. Maybe they wouldn't. I scuffed my boots on the sidewalk as I trudged back to the gallery. I suddenly felt very tired, the events of the past few days weighing on my shoulders like anvils. I tried not thinking about it but I couldn't let go of how wretched I really felt. The sadness overwhelmed me, leaking through all my defenses like a deadly poison; it threw me into a black oblivion that half of me desperately tried to escape but the other half wanted to embrace it, engulf itself in it, and die. How could I escape my pain when the source was the thing I most desired? Pain didn't listen to why you have it, it just eats away at you and my pain kept stabbing me no matter how I avoided it.

The day passed by at a slow pace and I wished it would hurry faster. I stayed to close up as Farnsworth shrugged on his tattered old jacket. He stared at my squarely in the eyes, sizing me up. I stared back and raised one of my eyebrows at him, calling his challenge. He softened slightly and cuffed my shoulder.

"Cheer up Swan. You two get along better than most people I know. Besides, I can't have you and that kid fighting all damn night tomorrow. You are there to bring the big bucks to the gallery so man up and get your shit together." He gave a grunt and a nod goodbye and left the store; his heavy footsteps following him.

He was right, just not about Jake. No matter how much I hated myself for it Jake was not the top priority on my mind. Just then, the man in question stomped through the door that led through to the staircase. He looked grimy from a day on the boat but he had the telltale boxes of Chinese in his giant hands and I perked up a bit at the idea of food.

"Close up and get your skinny ass upstairs. I want a damn Chinese movie night. It's been over a week, that's a ridiculously long time." He grinned at me.

I smiled at how brash he was. Jake was in love with Chinese, which made his being a crab fisherman a little weird. His other love was action movies. Put the two together and Jake was a five year old again. Our movie wall took up half the space in our tiny living room. Everything from _Die Hard _to _Pride and Prejudice _was in there, and he took great pride in it. I rolled my eyes at him but jingled the keys I had in my hand to indicate that I would, in fact, be closing up that moment. I locked the doors and quickly swept the sidewalk in front like I did every night. Across the street was one of the many pubs that were sprawled along Annapolis's Old Town. The outside tables were not really occupied and as my eyes swept quickly over them I did a double take. A lone table sat in the shadow of the side of the building and just a millisecond before I had sworn I saw a mop of bronze hair. But nothing was there. I shook my head angrily. I would not have hallucinations about someone who so obviously didn't want me. I trudged up the stairs and flopped onto the couch and shoved my cold feet under Jakes legs to keep them warm and grabbed at the sweet and sour chicken.

What my eyes hadn't seen on that second look at the table was the bottle cap spinning; around and around and around.

EPOV

(Day Before)

The family lingered around the doorway as Esme flitted around the new house, arranging our things at lightning fast speed. Carlisle had gotten a job at Johns Hopkins when the threat of suspicion of who we were surfaced in the Florida hospital that Carlisle had been working at the past eight years. We moved to a more picturesque city for Esme and Alice; who wanted to move away from the overly developed neighborhoods of Daytona. I had watched for hours as our lives were changed once again; the walls were painted different colors than our beach house, new curtains, new furniture, and new neighbors. Everything changed, except for the self-loathing and hatred I felt for myself every day; the despair I felt for being what I was and leaving Bella, stranded and alone, as I sat back and watched her break down in anguish. Carlisle told me it wasn't my fault but I had opted to accompany him to the award ceremony; it _was_ my fault.

Alice and Rosalie sat at a little coffee table next to the door, threading shells into necklaces and painting bracelets, cuffs, and rings. When they found out we would be moving to the Chesapeake Bay they decided to start up an endeavor. A and R C Native Jewelry was born; Rosalie had quickly found a vacant building and had bought it, Alice had come early to fix it up. Alice gathered the jewelry into a wooden box and ran to Esme and kissed her cheek.

"The house is wonderful Esme. We will be back from the store in a bit." She and Rosalie disappeared out the door.

I slowly made my way up the four flights of stairs to my attic hideaway. It was the largest bedroom, and I had neatly placed my CD's and other paraphernalia around the room. My leather couch faced the window to the front of the house. I eased onto it and stared out the window, watching the leaves move with the wind that blew ever constant off the water nearby. I stared at the cobblestone street following its path as it wound around the house. When I had this free time to think my thoughts drifted to Bella, thinking about what she was doing, where she was going, how she got on with her life. Alice's visions were getting increasingly farther apart as the time apart grew and grew. Flashes of those visions came in a torrent and my hands went to my hair and pulled, my agony pushing forth and swallowing me. I had to get away and clear my head, to clear thoughts of Bella. I decided to explore the town. I grabbed a jacket for show since it was a little chilly that day and rushed out the door.

_Be good Edward. And don't wallow._ Esme's thought blazed through my mind. I chuckled sarcastically at her comment. I always was good. Maybe I shouldn't be anymore.

I shoved my hands deep in my pockets and walked brusquely down the sidewalk to a quarter of the Old Town. As I stepped on the other side of the road I was hit by a wave of Freesia. My eyes widened and my throat burned as I smelled the faint scent. It was old but it reminded me of her and I only wished she were here. But I knew that was impossible. I lost myself in the shops and skirted the edges of the harbor. I stared at the water for awhile, watching my reflection as it moved with the water.

After an hour of two of wandering I came upon a market. There were tents set up with a multitude of items and I walked to everyone, and everything I saw reminded me of Bella. Halfway through I found a flower stand and saw bouquets of Lavender; Esme's favorite. I bent to grab the bouquet when the wind picked up and I was bowled over by the smell of blood and Freesia and _Bella. _This couldn't be possible but it was so real. My head shot up on its own accord and my eyes met with the deepest pools of chocolate ever known. And I saw her; for the first time in nine years she was in front of me. A fire on desire and longing engulfed my entire being as I watched as her mouth opened in a silent O and tears spilled down her face as the bag she was holding slipped from her fingers and dropped to the ground. My heart burst and I uttered one word

"Bella." And she bolted.

Faster than I could get to her without making a scene I tried to follow her but there were so many people and she was faster than I remembered. I ducked and weaved and shoved, desperate to reach her, to find her and explain myself. I followed her fresh scent out into a square and staggered to a stop. I was overwhelmed. Freesia enveloped me from every direction; the scents were crisscrossing all over the streets until I couldn't decipher the old from the new. She had been here for a long time and I frantically turned as cars honked at me to get out of the way. I quickly followed a scent I thought was fresh, up a hill, a turn to the left and stopped. It lead to a deli, and when I looked inside, there was no one there. I frantically pulled at my hair, wondering what to do next when Jasper appeared at my side. I gave him a wild look, my hair screaming in protest as my agony ripped through me. Jasper put a calming hand on my arm.

"Alice?" I whispered. He nodded.

"_Home Edward, Carlisle knows and he wants you. Now. And stop pulling your hair. You wouldn't look attractive bald." _He thought.

I didn't need jokes now. We jumped and raced across the roofs, making sure not to be seen; Jaspers ever watchful eye on me the entire time. We reached the house unseen and I flung myself inside, the sound of the door slamming echoing through the hallways as the house shook with the force. Carlisle was beside me in an instant and grabbed my face, forcing me to look at him. I came forth with everything.

"She's here Carlisle; in the city. She saw me and she ran, I tried to follow her but her scents were crossed everywhere and I got confused. She knows I'm alive Carlisle, she knows I'm alive."

"Edward, you cannot make any rash decisions, this is a delicate matter and we need to deal with it carefully for Bella's sake." He said. At that moment Alice barreled down the stairs.

"_She hasn't told anyone, I don't think she will; I saw her near a bank on Presidents Street. Shall I go Carlisle?" _

"Yes take Jasper with you." He nodded her towards the door. I tried to fish in her head for some glimpse of Bella but Alice was singing songs in Hebrew to keep me out.

"What will we do Carlisle?" I asked. He looked me in the eye.

"I don't know Edward but we will find a way out of this."

It seemed like an eternity before Alice and Jasper got back but it was probably only a minute; the look on their faces told me what I dreaded.

"Gone." Said Jasper. "Very fresh scent but I couldn't trace her all that well. Like Edward said, the scents are so crossed I can't tell them apart."

"You don't think she would tell anyone Carlisle?" Rosalie's voice called from the other end of the room. "I know she was weak but I doubt she would go that far." A ferocious snarl erupted in my chest as I bared my teeth at her self-righteous smirk.

"Enough! Rosalie, we know Bella better than that. No matter how much she has changed in the nine years we have been gone, she wouldn't tell a soul." He stated firmly.

After the realization that Bella couldn't be found when I most needed her, I holed myself up in my room. I turned on Tchaikovsky and laid flat on the black leather of the couch. I pressed the palms of my hands into my eyes as images of Bella were flung at me from my mental reverie. She was not the young girl I had fallen in love with; she had blossomed into something much more beautiful. She had an almost ethereal glow that had hung around her in the market place. Her hair was redder now, the tints glinting in the sunlight; it was also longer, brushing the small of her back as the wind picked it up gently, twirling it around her face. Her eyes were a more caramel chocolate now and she had tawny specks throughout. She had a lithe form but she had grown into her curves, filled out and that made her so breathtakingly gorgeous that my non-existent heart stopped beating the moment I saw her.

The images were driving me mad. I was lusting and loving after someone who was slipping through my grasp. If I could have just talked to her; if I could have just explained myself, things might have been better. But I knew how utterly disastrous that conversation would be. I had grabbed onto the corner of the end table behind me and in my frustration I accidently crushed it, the cracking sound of splintering wood echoing through the room as it fell, obliterated into my hand.

"_Edward. Get your emotions in check or leave for a little while. Jasper almost choked himself down here. I don't even want to think about what you're thinking. Just please; for my sake, do not do anything stupid. Go outside and just run, run and get all your frustration out, ok?" _Alice's thoughts rang loudly through my head from downstairs. I saw in her mind only a few moments before as Jasper's hand started reaching for his neck seemingly on its own accord while Alice grabbed at in and Jasper glared skyward to my room, where all the emotion was coming from. Needless to say I took her advice.

The wind tore past my ears, roaring like a freight train as I sped faster and faster through the trees getting farther from civilization, farther from my past, farther from Bella. Tree branches tore at my clothes, ripping and tearing them the shreds. They stung my face dully as I careened through them at over one hundred miles an hour; but I carried on, desperate to get some quiet away from the throng of thoughts that pulsated around my head all day long. I needed time to think about what I would do.

As much as I hated it, it seemed like the last thing Bella wanted to do was talk to me. But the extreme longing I felt was too much to bear and I knew I could not stay away. My resolve was to stay in the shadows, use a watch-from-afar technique to watch over her. I needed to know if she was alright, if she had gotten home. I looked up at the sky, impatient for dawn to come so that I could go back to the city. I took the opportunity to hunt and hungrily mauled a passing deer. It was one of the more gruesome kills I had made recently but I was just a little too mad at myself to care about the humane killing of a deer.

After being fed sufficiently I thought it was a suitable time to return to my home and change. The way I look now, covered in dirt and blood and my clothing tattered, would not get public approval. The sounds of passing cars alerted me of my proximity to home and I pushed on faster, eager to start my search once again for Bella. The door banged shut behind me as dawn rose across the sky. Esme gave me a sideways glance at my appearance but blessedly didn't ask why I looked the way I did. Instead she rubbed my shoulder reassuringly and left me to go shower. The hot water gave a strange sensation to my colder than normal skin. I had never really gotten over the feeling of hot watering burning my cold skin and not really feeling it.

I was dressing and drying my hair with a towel when a twig snapped and a shoe scuffed across the pavement on the street below. My ears pricked at the sound and I pulled the curtain gently away to see who would honestly be on the street at 5:45 in the morning. I almost lost my balance from shock when I saw that Bella stood across the street staring up at our house with a look of curiosity and slight longing. She had on jogging clothes as she stood silently below me. That was the moment I snapped and any rational thoughts I might have had were gone because the only one getting through was the one that Bella was _here_ and she was so close I could literally taste her and I bolted as fast as I could to the door. A 4 foot 10 pixie stood at the bottom of the stairs. Her black glare didn't stop me from plowing through her. She grabbed my leg before I could get out the door and chucked me into the coffee table she had been working on the afternoon before; effectively smashing it to bits. Emmett and Jasper were there to grab my arms and keep me in a stronghold as Carlisle stood gazing directly into my eyes, his hands on my shoulders. I was beyond reasoning, I just wanted to speak to Bella, and I just wanted to touch her again, feel her again, and see that she loved me again.

I wrenched my arms out of Emmett's slacker ones and took three steps towards the door before Jasper slammed me into it before I could turn the knob. My back collided with the sturdy wood, splintering it down the middle as I let out a guttural snarl from deep in my gut. Jasper pinned me under him on the floor as I slowly gained my right mind back. I panted for air as jasper sat on my chest, squeezing my air pipes and making it increasingly uncomfortable to breath. Esme came and peeked out the window by the door.

"She's gone again Carlisle." She opened the door and stuck her face out. The waft of air brought with it the scent of Bella. Fresh. "The trail is still new." She gave Carlisle a very pointed look and then gazed down at me. He sighed and made me look at him again.

"Edward, against my better judgment you do need to follow her. But I forbid you to let her see you or talk to her. You are to watch from far away, I want no contact do you understand?" I nodded and almost bust the door down in my hast to follow her. The thoughts of my family ran through my head as I raced to the side of the street she was on.

"_I mean it Edward. Please don't hurt her more than I'm sure she is hurting already." _Carlisle thought.

"_Be careful Edward." _Esme's motherly tone rang in my head.

"_This is futile. She won't talk to you Edward, why torture yourself by watching her." _Rosalie thought angrily.

"_Go get her tiger." _I rolled my eyes as Emmett's comment passed through my mind.

It was so difficult to try and get her scent. She came by here often, and layer after layer after layer of her scent wafted around me. The scent I was deprived of so long was now my enemy as my head spun dizzyingly with the sweetness of it. Finally, after what felt like days but was only a mere minute I found a slight trace of warmth in one trail and I followed it. It wound me down side streets and alleys. It brought me past a coffee shop that carried older scent trails where I gathered she got coffee every morning. It wound past the local university and through residential areas. But I found myself getting taken back to the historical district; and finally, up the main street the trail stopped outside of a gallery.

The scent of Bella over whelmed me and I staggered back; this had to have been where she lived, the trails overlapping so many times and the scent so thick I was surprised regular humans could not smell it. I glanced to the windows above where I assumed her apartment was and watched as shadows moved around behind the lighted curtains. I strained to try and hear her voice but with the street noises of the city waking up and the height and walls that separated us, I only heard low murmurs. I would get bits and pieces of a conversation; I could hear her laugh and my heart soared. It sounded so light and care-free and my non-existent heart ached to see her face. I then heard the deep tone of a male voice and suddenly I could hear every word of their conversation as my ferocious jealously heightened my hearing; the anger boiling deep within me as I thought of another man with my Bella.

"_I am NOT Cinderella."_ Bella's semi-annoyed voice blared like a siren call. The man was harder to pick up and for a little while their voices turned to muffles again as I tried to get them back within hearing range. I heard running footfalls and laughing and then I heard _his_ thoughts. I saw what he was seeing as he dumped Bella on the floor and she proceeded to pull him down too. I heard her laugh as she stared up into the man's eyes and his thoughts burned through my head.

"_God she's so beautiful. God I want her. I want her. This time Bella, please this time." _I had to hold onto the side of the building, the brick slightly crumbling under my fingers as I warred with my instincts to go up there and kill him and my mind which said she wouldn't want that.

Through his eyes I saw him lean down and kiss her and she didn't pull away. I heard his mind rejoice as they kept going, longer and longer. His mind turned to other things and I snarled, deep in my chest as my rational mind started losing to my will to kill him. But I was spared when she pushed him away and whispered "_Jake, you know we can't. You know I can't."_ I wanted to hear more but an old man was walking towards me down the street. I feigned interest at the pictures in the window display as he stood next to me and took out keys to open the shop up.

I turned and gave him a strained smile as I was forced to walk away from the events going on above. I walked down the street; out of his view and then doubled back around, going through some alleys until I could see the shop from a distance. I had to wait only a few moments before a man walked out of the staircase next to the gallery; a frustrated look on his face. His hands were shoved deep in the pockets of his jeans and the hood of his sweatshirt shielded him from the cool morning air. His russet skin was rosy from the nippy air and his black hair was rumpled where it peeked out from below the hood. He walked quickly and angrily down the street and out of sight. My ears picked up angry slamming from inside the gallery and I saw Bella at the back of the shop angrily sorting through a stack of paintings.

I sat back in that alleyway for hours, following her every movement, relishing being able to see her. She moved her nose a little back and forth whenever she was thinking about something; she moved her finger up and down her neck when she daydreamed out the store window, tantalizing me without even knowing it. I was close enough to hear the voices of those passing below me where I had taken up residence on a fire escape; I could hear her companion, the old man, as he took stock in a backroom; but from her, nothing.

Ever since that first day she walked into that cafeteria in Forks, I have been blind to her next movements and thoughts. I could get so much information from the minds around me but all I got from her was a tiny whisper, unintelligible and simply infuriating. I cursed my inability to hear her, thinking maybe it was my love for her that made me unable to read her, but that was ridiculous.

As my cursing continued I almost didn't realize her disappear for a few minutes and walk out the door with her purse. I quickly hopped across roofs until she disappeared around the corner and I decided it was pointless trying to follow her. Instead, I opted to explore the gallery. The smell hit me like a ton of bricks and I both loved it and hated it at the same time. A little bell dinged above the door, announcing my arrival and I milled about, not really looking at the paintings but finding every place I could detect Bella's scent the most.

As I was browsing the walls of paintings I glanced at one in particular and had to do a double take. Staring back at me was the face of the gallery, and above it, an open window with Bella's form leaning out, staring back towards the harbor. The painter captured her perfectly, the sunlight spilling onto her face as tendrils of her hair flew in the air behind her. It was enthralling seeing her almost come to life on the canvas in front of me and I stared for a good ten minutes before I heard shuffling behind me. I turned quickly and met the weathered eyes of the old man before.

"It's beautiful isn't it? She's got some talent that Bella." He smiled at me. I almost choked.

"Wh-what?" I spluttered, not believing what I just heard.

"Bella Swan, the artist who painted that; she's got a lot of potential." He looked at me as my eyes bugged out of my head, his eyebrows scrunching together curiously. I quickly tried to compose myself.

"Yes, yes she does. It's absolutely breathtaking. Am I to understand it's for sale?" I asked politely.

"Of course it is. Three hundred dollars for it." He stated matter of factly.

I was shocked at how low the price was. Something as fabulous as that had to be worth so much more. However I nodded to him, signaling him to pick it off the wall and carry it to the register. I paid in cash for it as he wrapped it in packaging. Before I left he stopped me by the doorway.

"If you don't mind me asking, are you new around here? Usually we get a lot of regulars who buy the paintings and you seem to appreciate a good painting or two."

"Yes we moved in yesterday, down on Coriander Street. My father is an avid collector." He nodded slightly.

"If you don't have anything to do tomorrow I suggest going to the Art's Gala. It's hosted by the mayor tomorrow. If you get a hold of him I'm sure he would be willing to let you go. The gallery is being represented by none other than Miss Bella herself and I am sure she would love to meet you."

"_Fat chance."_ I thought to myself. However I was thrilled at the chance of getting to see her again so I nodded and told him I would definitely get in touch with him. With painting in hand I exited the gallery and was immediately on my cell phone calling Carlisle for him to arrange our invitations to the gala. I did not tell him we were only going so I could see Bella, but he seemed to believe my story and I quickly sped home after seeing Bella safely return to the gallery.

I was anxious for what tomorrow would bring; what chances, if any, I would get to talk to her. I quickly passed by my family undetected when I got home and rushed up the stairs to hide the painting, my personal treasure behind a bookshelf. I slunk down to the kitchen to where my family was waiting for my return. Carlisle proceeded to tell me that he was indeed able to get invitations and I proceeded to relay the day's events to all of them. They seemed to believe I was telling the truth and I prayed Alice would not see visions of Bella at the party before it was too late to do anything about it. Tomorrow my fate would be decided. Tomorrow, I was determined to talk again to Bella Swan.

BPOV

I woke up curled with Jake on the couch; his warm body pressed me into the cushions as he snored gently on top of me. I reached around his arm and lifted his wrist so that I could see the time. 9:42 a.m. I needed to get up to run errands for the Art's Gala tonight. My head was still fogged from sleep and I flopped back into the couch and just let the quiet wash over me. Jake's gentle snores were the only thing that filled the silence. I let my mind drift away completely on an imaginary cloud that would just carry me away from all my troubles. Yesterday brought Jake and I closer and yet farther apart as I began to realize just how damaged I really was. I was romantically inept, something that no woman wants to be. And what was even worse was that I did have an amazing guy lying right on top of me and all I could think about was the one that left me, it was like I was physically and emotionally unable to move on. Even after nine God damn years. I tensed angrily as I thought of how frustrating life was. The movies saw everyone's life coming to a perfect end. It was always the same; they fall in love, they have an accident or a fight, something happens, a moment of tense angry sadness, then the "happily ever after". My dilemma was _when_; when would_ I _get _my_ happy ending.

After awhile the silence started getting depressing and I decided to get up. I gently tried to ease myself up onto the arm of the couch and out from under Jake. I almost got my torso out but Jake subconsciously grabbed me back towards him. His head snuggled deeper into my stomach and he contentedly sighed. I smiled softly t his unruly raven hair and gently stroked it through my fingers. His head turned slightly and he muttered something, almost inaudible, but I heard it and froze, my eyes bugging wide.

"I love you Bella." I quickly looked at him to check if he was sleeping and indeed he was.

My hand slowly rose to my mouth as a slight panic sent my stomach fluttering. It was so innocent and so small but in that moment I knew it was true. I had been blind to his true affections, my mind looked back at all the times he looked at me or smiled or laughed at me. It was there, under the surface. I couldn't do it anymore; I couldn't be so close because I knew every moment we were like this it would be harder for him when I said no. Because I couldn't feel that way for him, and I hated myself for it. I quickly got out from underneath him, not really caring at that point if I woke him up, but he flopped like a dead fish and started snoring louder. I stomped to my room and had to stop myself from slamming the door.

"Damn my fucked up mind and my fucked up life!" I screamed at myself.

I hurt everyone around me and it killed me. I had to get my mind off everything. Quickly I went into our tiny kitchen and pulled out the phone book, flipping through until I found a number for a spa. I called and luckily they had an opening for a mani/pedi. I wrote Jake a note and placed it next to him on the end table and quietly shut the door. I took Jakes junker truck and drove through town to the spa. It spared me a couple hours of having to deal with Jake and I was grateful for the distraction.

The women filled my head with local gossip that I didn't usually care for but I was desperate at that point to distract myself. 10 painted toes and fingernails later I drove home to get ready for the Gala. As I entered the apartment I heard Jake cursing at the television; obviously playing video games. He yelled a hello when he heard the door shut and I answered before closing myself in my bedroom until later in the evening. I took out my dress and the steamer and started working on the fabric. It was tedious but it helped me keep my head. I then got working on my hair; slowly curling it into silky waves that cascaded down my back. I swept it up into a loose up-do that framed my face nicely. After I was satisfied with it I finished my make-up, lightly applying elegant dark shadows and mascara.

When I looked at the clock it was already four. I put on all my undergarments and slipped on my dress. It was pure white and incredibly form fitting, and it hugged my curves in all the right places. Seams ran up the front and it made me think of a seashell. The strapless bodice ruffled slightly at the top and gave it a more elegant feel. The mermaid train was just long enough and didn't make me trip all over. My shoes were given that job. I tried to keep them small but it was hard trying to find heels that were not sky high. They were a blood red as were my tear drop earrings and it provided a blaze of color on the otherwise white canvas. I checked myself over in the mirror before I set my shoulders proudly and opened the door. Jake stood outside of the bathroom fidgeting with his bowtie. He looked really handsome in his black tux; it brought out the russet in his skin even more. He turned slowly towards me and froze; his eyes raking over my body.

"Jesus Bella, you look gorgeous." He whispered in awe. I blushed profusely at his statement.

"You don't look half bad yourself Jake." He snorted and rolled his eyes playfully.

"Believe me Bella; no one will be looking at me tonight." I smiled. He suddenly started fidgeting more and shoving his hand deep in his pocket.

"Why are you so nervous?" I asked suspiciously. He smiled sheepishly.

"I actually got you something for tonight. It's nothing but, I saw it and thought you'd like it."

"Oh Jake that's so nice. You didn't have to do it." He pulled a long small box from his coat pocket and walked it over to me. I took it with shaky hands and opened it. Nestled inside was a pretty diamond necklace. It was curved into a swirl and was dotted with tiny rubies on the outside.

"Oh Jake it's beautiful!" I whispered, "And you matched it! How did you do that?"

"Lucky guess, and it's not as beautiful as you." He pulled it out of the box and I held my hair for him to secure it on my neck. I felt his fingers brush my collarbone before he quickly stepped back and admired it.

"It's nice." He stated simply. I laughed.

"Of course it's nice, it's breathtaking, thank you so much." I said.

"Alright Bells, don't get sappy on me." He laughed happily. I snorted at him as he led me out the door. We used the dodge charger this time and as Jake drove over the bridge I looked to my left and spotted the mayor's house. The plantation style house rested right up against the river and as I looked over the bridge I could see the lights strung up on every tree and I could see the swarms of people already at the party. The lawn glowed yellow from every light on in the giant house. We drove up the cobblestone driveway and showed security our invitations and were sent through to the valet. As I got out of the car every eye turned to me and my face heated up instantly. Jake came up next to me and I desperately grabbed his arm. He stared at me curiously.

"Jake everybody is looking at us; I'm not falling on my face because of these stupid shoes." He smiled at me and tugged me gently up the steps.

"Believe me Bella, they definitely aren't looking at me." He smiled gently as I blushed.

We weaved through the house until we stepped through the French double doors and into the backyard. A dance floor and giant tent were set up and the smells wafting around were intoxicating. I resisted the urge to go eat and mingled around with Jake for a little while. I met up with some other gallery owners and prospective art buyers and tried to help out the gallery a little. After an hour of sucking up to people though, my stomach gave a loud growl and I could resist temptation no longer.

"God Jake I have to eat." I pleaded.

"Thank Jesus I thought you'd never ask." He sighed gratefully.

We glided through the throngs of people and I snatched up some cheese cubes and little sandwiches. Jake gave me a curious look as to why I was not eating more and all I had to do was glance down at my stark white dress for him to get the picture. I laughed quietly as Jake mauled through all the hors d'oeuvres to sustain his insatiable hunger.

Suddenly, music flared around me and couples got up from their seats and walked towards the dance floor. As I stood smiling at the people in front of me I felt a hand gently brush my elbow and I looked up into Jake's comfortable brown eyes.

"Do I have the honor of this dance Lady Isabella?" He said in a horrible English accent.

I couldn't help but laugh as I took his hand and he led me out with the rest of the party. It was a slower song and we were content to pass the time cracking jokes and laughing with each other. I was incredibly glad that we had no more of the awkwardness between us from the day before. I was hoping it would last. The tempo got faster as we laughed and danced in unison throughout the night.

In the middle of a livelier song Jakes personal cell started to ring. The ring tone, I recognized as his father's. He smiled down at it and held up his finger at me to give him a second. I shooed him away so he could hear and he weaved through the crowd to a secluded spot. I kept an eye on him as his brows furrowed and his free hand went to his face, he looked concerned and upset and it started to really worry me. After a couple more minutes he said his goodbye's and quickly walked back to me. I could see the sadness clearly in his eyes as he approached me.

"Jake what's the matter? What's wrong?" I asked quickly. He sighed heavily.

"Aw Bells, my dad just told me that Harry Clearwater died back home. He was my dad's best friend and basically an uncle to me. His family's having a tough time and my dad wants me back there. As soon as possible." He sighed sadly.

"Oh my God Jake I'm so sorry. Of course you have to go, can you get a flight out tonight?"

"Yeah I think I can. I'm gonna take the car home, get things packed and all. Dad said he could get me out at one tonight. Are you ok with a taxi home?" He looked concerned.

"Oh yeah I'm fine. You just go safe ok. I'll miss you and I'm really sorry about what happened." I gave him a giant hug as he left, scaling the steps easily as I watched him walk through the back doors to the car.

I finally realized I was alone and frowned slightly at what to do next. Most of the people here were twice my age or more and I didn't really see anyone worth talking to at that point. I instead chose to go to the bar and order a drink. As I was sipping on the fruity drink I scanned the crowd anxiously. From what I remembered Carlisle always ran with the higher circles and this was the top of the pack, I wished fervently I wouldn't see any one of them here. I sat quietly for a half an hour or so more before the mayor himself got up on stage and started giving a long winded speech. Suddenly he called out for everyone to gather on the dance floor and I gracefully glided to the back of the floor.

"Ladies and Gentlemen it is now time to start the auction! If you have not been here before we auction off all the young ladies for one dance. I will choose the first young lady. Any volunteers?" the mayor called out.

Many people scanned the crowd for any volunteer and a few raised their hands but I stared in horror as the mayor spotted me in the back and called out "You back there! Why don't you come up here with me? How bout it? Come on!"

Applause rose from the crowd as I shook my head no but I was soon shuffled toward the side of the stage. He took my hand and led me up as I stared out at the hundreds of people looking up at me. I had never felt so uncomfortable in my life.

"Now who would like to start the bidding at one thousand? Anyone"

"1,000!" someone called.

"1,500!" another voice rang.

"Excellent! Anyone for 2,000?" the mayor encouraged.

"2,000"

"3,000!"

"3,500"

"Anyone else willing to bid on this fine lady?"

"20,000." A sickeningly familiar voice echoed throughout the grounds. A roar from the crowded rang out at the astonishing amount put forth by the bidder I was sure I knew.

"Well! I believe that's a sold! Would you come up here sir and claim your prize!" Slowly a mop of bronze hair was seen moving from the back corner as Edward Cullen himself strolled casually up to the stage, his eyes never leaving mine.

Applause thundered as he reached my feet and offered his hand for me to take. At that moment I was too shocked and frozen with fear I couldn't move. My wide eyes stared back at his with a look of desperation. His eyes however were pleading and I eventually gave up and gingerly placed my hand in his. He led me gracefully onto the dance floor as a Frank Sinatra song started playing and he took my hands and off we went. His gaze never left mine and it was like I couldn't let go, like I was in some sort of trance.

"Edward what are you doing here and why are you doing this to me?" I pleaded desperately.

"Bella I have to tell you something important, but not here I-" I cut him off quickly.

"No Edward, listen to me. I sacrificed everything I had and I lost everything I had when you so called died. I made a life for myself here and god help me if I let you come in here and let you fuck everything up for me again." I spoke savagely.

I stood my ground and looked into his eyes as he tried to reason with me. I knew his games and I wouldn't let him deceive me again. We twirled around the dance floor, and suddenly I felt self conscious as I looked at all the people watching us. However I was too engulfed in our heated conversation to care too much. But I suddenly saw a glance of platinum blonde wavy hair and I whipped my head around to find the whole Cullen family staring back at me. They all looked exactly the same as they had left me nine years ago. I could not believe the bad luck I as having tonight. I didn't want to face Edward let alone the whole family that had deserted me. Their faces were a mixture of shock and reservation. Rosalie looked furious but she always had really. Esme looked at me despairingly and I turned away disgusted at myself as I felt sympathy.

"Edward I do not want to do this now. I can't believe you are even here and if this is a ruse to get me back with you let me just tell you that it is completely futile. I am _done_ with you. I am done feeling guilty, and afraid, and alone and everything else I have felt over the past nine years. Frankly I am disgusted that I am even dancing with you right now, and you have nerve coming here when I'm sure you already knew Jacob Black would be here also."

"_Listen_ Bella, you have every right to be furious with me and upset and betrayed but I have _got_ to tell you something in private that I hope will clear things up a little for you. I did not abandon you please believe that." He pleaded helplessly.

I scoffed at him, "You are insane if you think I'm going to listen to any bull shit that comes out of your mouth Edward Cullen. How dare you even come near me tonight. How dare you." The music finally ended and a roar of applause came up from the crowd as I quickly ripped myself out of his arms. I gave him a slight nod and marched away weaving through the crowd as quickly as I could to escape. I reached the edge and all but sprinted through the doors and out onto the front steps. By this point I had traitorous tears cascading down my cheeks as I tried to maneuver down the slippery stairs in my heels. Unfortunately I felt a hand grab my arm and whip me around to face them. Edward tawny eyes bore into mine as he grew closer and closer, stopping only an inch from me.

"You have every right to be angry Bella, but I need to tell you. All I need is five minutes, right here and I will leave you and you won't ever have to see me again."

I almost growled at him. "You think this will just change everything? That I can just forget you were ever here and that I will be perfectly fine after this? That I won't be completely heartbroken again after I realize you lied about your own death? Yeah Edward, keep dreaming because I am _dead. _And quite honestly I wish you were dead to me."

He gave a frustrated yell and started pulling at his hair. "God why are you so stubborn? I did not fake my own death! I did not abandon you! I tried to come back but how would that look to everyone. Jesus Bella I. Am. Not. _HUMAN!_"

I stared at him incredulously. "You think I will believe that shit? You are sorely mistaken Edward Cullen! God I cannot believe you!" I watched as he suddenly grew murderous and a low deep growl erupted from his chest.

"Oh yeah? You don't believe me? Well believe me now." And with that he flung me onto his back and took off so inhumanly fast that I didn't know where I was.


	5. The Beast Howls In My Veins

**_Hey Again for the second time today. Phew I think I'll quit for tonight. But, I hope you all enjoy it. Its a labor of love! Hopefully you'll all review!!!!! I love your comments! Love you all!!!! I will have to update again with music because I dont have any right now, none came. _**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight_**

**_Hope you LOVE it! ~Ella_**

* * *

I felt like I was flying as I looked at his white neck and I heard his steady breathing and I…believed. I believed what he was telling me. I believed he wasn't human. His family's golden eyes, his cold skin. I remembered how he sometimes talked from a different time. This was him without the mask, without the lies.

We stopped outside of the large colonial house. My favorite house. He threw me off his back and towed me through the door into the living room. He spun around to face me and the expression on his face was terrifying. I was still trying to catch my breath. The 30 minute walk took just seconds with him. They lived here, and I remembered my walk this morning. The bangs, the growls. That was them?

"Now do you believe me?" he spat.

"What-what are you?" His viscous expression turned to despair and he took a deep breath as I held mine

"I am… a vampire." He whispered. And I expected to be terrified when he said that. Like a normal person. But, I wasn't. I was curious, and in awe and…angry.

"You-you kept this from me? After everything we went through, after everything we were you never told me?" I asked.

"Bella, you wouldn't have handled it." He said.

I scoffed at him. "And I'm not handling it now? How hypocritical can you be?"

"You're in shock, it makes you act differently." My anger boiled over and I was seeing red. My rage had taken hold of me. His indifference to my feelings, and my opinion was infuriating. I was two steps from him and I took them quickly and before I knew it I slapped him across the face as hard as I could. It felt like slapping a rock but I didn't show it. The red mark spread across his face rapidly in the perfect shape of my hand.

The silence of the room was deafening. Edward's expression was one of true shock. My anger had gotten the best of me and I stared for the first time truly in his eyes. His pain and my pain mingled together and his was shown through his tawny eyes. My anger mixed with a new emotion while I stared at him. My eyes traveled across his face. His chiseled jaw line, his perfect nose, his incredible hair. My eyes started traveling lower. To his neck, his sliver of chest exposed by his tux. He really looked incredible in a tux. And then I realized that new emotion, lust. A feeling deep in my abdomen built up until I couldn't take it anymore.

I grabbed his face in my hands and pulled it towards my face. And then I was kissing him like I've never kissed anyone before. His cool lips brought back so many harsh memories it made me want him even more. I wanted to make up for lost time. I wanted to _feel _again.

He kept completely still for only a few moments and then I felt his power. His lips moved with mine as all of our anger and frustration and want, poured into our kiss. He pushed forward and I walked back quickly until I slammed into the door. When I did I let out a moan of pleasure from the feeling and Edward kissed me more feverishly. I felt his ice cold tongue on my bottom lip and I opened my mouth allowing him access as our tongues fought for dominance. I couldn't breath and I didn't want to because it would just break this perfect moment in a cruel world. But Edward had better ideas and let go of my mouth and reached his lips towards my neck. He sucked on it and it was the most incredibly sexy feeling as my chest heaved for air.

I felt his hands move from my face down slowly to my neck, across my shoulders and down farther. I panted faster as he still kept going lower. His hands moved across my arms and grazed the sides of my breasts. When he did I gasped wildly and my chest arched involuntarily towards him. His eyes locked with mine. The tawny eyes had changed to a lust-filled black fire.

He took my bottom lip between his teeth and I felt his hands still travel farther. They stopped at my waist, my back still arched, our chests touching. He then lifted me up and ran again up the stairs to what I assumed was his room. It only took a second. I breathed out before kissing him more fiercely. His hands traveled to my back and in one long swoop, had the zipper undone that made me gasp. I took my hands from his face as our eyes stayed lock. I pulled down on the fabric until it pooled at my feet. His eyes had not left mine. They wouldn't look at my body. That made me mad. We had gotten this far, I grabbed his face again and tilted it down. His eyes turned wide as they raked over my lithe form.

I pulled at the buttons to his jacket until they came undone. His hands touched my collarbone and traveled down until he was cupping my breasts. The feeling was so good, and it made me rip at his bowtie and his shirt collar. I kissed his chest every time I popped a button. The more chest I saw the more aroused I got. He ran me back into the wall again as his hands traveled to my sides. They left momentarily as he shrugged the white button-up shirt off his shoulders. His hands put more pressure on my sides and then he roughly lifted me in the air, our lips still locked together and my legs wrapped around his torso. He roughly kissed me and I could feel how aroused he was getting. He put his huge hands on my butt and spun me around. I didn't know where we were going until he lowered me and my back hit the bed. I crawled backwards to the pillows and he followed after me, he looked like a he was prowling. His lips met mine again quickly until I broke away so my eyes could find his belt. I undid it, taking care to gently graze him. He gasped loudly and growled, a deep throaty sound that sent a shiver down my spine. I undid the button of his slacks and the zipper and he kicked them off revealing a pair of dark gray boxer-briefs.

His arms wrapped around me and I felt his cool breath on my neck as his hands worked at the clasp of my bra. When he got it, he slowly threw away my bra on the floor as he sat up on his knees to look at me. His eyes were wide and that trade mark crooked smile slowly crept onto his face.

"You are so beautiful." He whispered in awe. I sat up and gently touched my chest to his as I tilted my face towards his and my hand grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him gently down on top of me. I felt his arousal through my underwear and put my hands on his back and slowly moved them down. He got the picture and his hands moved and he removed his underwear. Then, his hands traveled to the top of my panties and slowly pulled them down. I moaned out in pleasure as I could finally feel when there was nothing between us. It was what I had always wanted and now I was living it.

"Are you sure about this?" He asked me.

"Are you sure?" I countered back. He chuckled.

"Oh Bella, you have no idea how ready I am." To prove his point he shifted just a little and I felt him right in front of me.

"Oh my God, you have no idea how good that feels." I moaned out.

"I bet it can feel better. I love you." He whispered.

"I love you too." And then he slid into me. The feeling was so amazing, it was explosive. I yelled out in pleasure and he did that throaty growl again. As the time passed in ecstasy he tried to go slow to make it easy for me but, he couldn't hold out on his instincts. He started slamming into me, hard. His grunts growing louder and my screams getting louder as we both reached our climax. The power of him above me and the feeling of him moving inside me finally sent me over the edge and I screamed out and arched my neck back as I rode out my orgasm. He started going faster and faster until he let out one last loud grunt and he twitched inside me. We both were panting and I looked at his face, into his eyes and he looked into mine, and we both smiled blissfully.

"That was…wow that was incredible Edward." I laughed exasperated. I had had those experiences before but never like that.

"You did things to me today. You were so beautiful and sexy in that white dress but you know, I like you better with no clothes on." He chuckled. I kissed him again as he rolled over to the side of me. I turned towards him and rested my head against his chest.

"You don't know what I went through, how I felt when you were gone. I died the day you did. That's how I've always felt. You know you have 7 graves in the Forks Cemetery." I said sadly.

"I know their there. I've visited mine. The first month we stayed hidden but we stayed. We watched. Every day you put flowers on those graves. Thank you…for that. For keeping me close when I wasn't there." He said as he kissed my bare shoulder.

"Your Welcome. But I have other questions, about you, about what you are, about what _we_ are."

"I will answer any questions you have, I owe you that. But, not tonight. Your tired and need some rest.

"Alright. Edward…I-I love you." I said through my tears.

"I love you too Bella, always know that." And I closed my eyes and drifted of into a sleep filled with Edward. Filled with the man I truly loved.


End file.
